Over the last couple of weeks I've spoken to quite a few people who have managed to stop themselves planning and achieving their goals (and we're only half way through January!)
By deciding that the person they want to include, need help from or want to ask an opinion of will not want to be included, want to help or be bothered to give their opinion. The conversation has already been held in the 'askers' head and the outcome decided!
This is mind reading and to be honest as human beings, we're not really that good at it, especially when it comes to asking for help or needing to have a difficult conversation. When I've spoken to clients and asked them to see the situation as if they were being asked for help just about everyone says 'well yes of course I would help, why wouldn't I?'
It reminded me of a story I was sent a few years ago... I don't know the author and so cannot accurately credit it...
McGinty, a farmer, needed to plough his field before the dry spell set in, but his own plough had broken.
"I know, I'll ask my neighbour, farmer Murphy, to borrow his plough. He's a good man; I'm sure he'll have done his ploughing by now and he'll be glad to lend me his machine."
So McGinty began to walk the three or four fields to Murphy's farm.
After a field of walking, McGinty says to himself, "I hope that Murphy has finished all his own poughing or he'll not be able to lend me his machine..."
Then after a few more minutes of worrying and walking, McGinty says to himself, "and what if Murphy's plough is old and on it's last legs - he'll never be wanting to lend it to me will he?"
And after another field, McGinty says, "Murphy was never a very helpful fellow, I reckon maybe he won't be too keen to lend me his plough even if it's in perfect working order and he's finished all his own ploughing weeks ago..."
As McGinty arrives at Murphy's farm, McGinty is thinking, "That old Murphy can be a mean old fellow. I reckon even if he's got all his ploughing done and his own machine is siting there doing nothing, he'll not lend it to me just to watch me go to ruin..."
McGinty walks up Murphy's front path, knocks on the door and Murphy answers.
"Well good morning Mr McGinty, what can I do for you?" says Murphy.
And McGinty says with eyes bulging, "You can take your bloody plough and you can stick it up your bloody arse!"
So if you're having conversations in your head that aren't helping you achieve, stop!! and go and have them in person (before you've decided they won't help). The results are normally greater than you ever expected!
If you want to know more about how you can have difficult conversations and communicate effectively with the people around you, including those you find more difficult to be with and you want to build yourself, your team and your business then have a look and book onto the Business Foundation course and NLP Practitioner course I am running with my friend and colleague Lucy Hampton - Essentii Courses
The picture above is of Suffolk Punch horses which are endangered - if you want to know more about these amazing horses then visit - Suffolk Punch Trust